Unexpected Destiny

Can't sleep so I suppose I'll write, and I'll do so a little better than I have in the past.
   
        This month of poker was abruptly interrupted by the death of my Aunt Penny. Sometimes in life you just need to step back and realize how to appreciate people, and things for that matter, that you're fortunate to have in your life. As I sit and ponder life, I wonder why there are so many unanswered questions. I wonder why the world isn't perfect, and I wonder why people are dealt the cards they are. Is it all luck, or simply by chance. I'm very naive, like most people, when I complain about the littlest of things. The complaining is usually followed by a small regret of stupidity in my mind. I feel complaining is a product of being a bit cynic at times. I realize what I'm doing, yet I still do it. I know you hear it all the time, but most of the things we complain about don't really mean a whole lot when it comes down to it.

       My aunt's death hit me a lot harder, because of the tragedy in how it happened, and because she was an amazing person, and gave so much to people in need. It makes me wonder why I'm not more like her, I mean, I was partially raised by her. My recent downswing, coupled with the death of my aunt, really had me feeling like poker was going to have to go on the back burner while I gathered myself. I played a bit right after it happened, at my cousin's (danwrnr) house, but my results were very weak, and felt it was probably best I studied up and came back towards the end of the month with a much fresher mind. It's so weird for me to see people playing day in and day out with nothing affecting their play. I could never do that, and I only wish I was on that level. For me to play at my best I feel I need everything just right, probably why I take the breaks I do. I'm trying harder and harder every day to overcome that, but it's just too difficult. I get discouraged quick, and realize my play is therefore being affected. I was never one to see this flaw at the start of my career, but now it's quite clear to me that breaks are much needed. I obviously know that most people aren't like this, but some of you may be able to relate.

      I feel like, because of this, maybe poker isn't the best of career choices for me, but then I weigh it out and realize what other job can I take a break from when things aren't going well for months at a time... Hmm.. I still haven't found a legit answer for that one, but maybe the answer comes within myself and I should just suck it up. Today is Sunday, we've got some of my favorite online tourneys running today like the Mill, and the TT. I think it's the best time for me to start back up, and grind.

      It's 3:10 am right now, and I'm driving to Minneapolis in the morning. I'm going to try to be there before noon, but if I can't fall asleep soon it's going to be tough to play after the couple hour car ride I'm going to be enduring. January will be a big month of travel most likely. I plan on helping my brother Clayton0719 who just won the nightly 70k to move into his new place in Florida. Then from there I plan on flying to Mexico to meet up with acequad and a few other people, but I'm equally excited to crush, and get my legs back. Last night was Christmas, and I hope all of you had a great one, I know I did. Realize the things, and the people you have in your life, and don't take any of them for granted. And of course GL to everyone (except lol, cigaro).

-Blake

November in the books

I decided not to go to the PCA, or even try for a package, with the USA-COOP running I simply couldn't fit it into my schedule, and didn't have it in my priorities. Last month I ended down money just barely, probably about $200 or so. I had a pretty good 18 man session at the end of the month that helped a lot. Today I loaded up a few tourney's, mostly turbos, and some player capped MTTs. +$1800 or so on the day, and for the month. Cut the grind short because it's my brother's bday, and we're going out for a few drinks soon (SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS) . Anyway, I've been playing very well lately and going deep in a lot of MTTs, but things aren't panning out in the end. I broke about even in the COOP, in the $320 6 max I got 31st for about $1600. I'm really becoming numb to "beats," they get easier and easier day in and day out. They're obviously a part of the game, and learning how to control your emotions are even a bigger part of the game. I try to feel the same while I'm playing from start to finish, and not let the cards or my play affect how I feel emotionally. If you look at my recent results you'd understand why I'm getting use to them. I feel like I'm playing to the best of my ability, and I feel like I know where I'm at in almost every situation. It's just a matter of time before I start crushing. I also feel like I've been basically living in Minneapolis as of late, and it feels like when I'm back at my house I don't actually live there, and it surely doesn't really feel like a place I can call home anymore. I'm going to kick back and chill at my place for the next week and see if I can make some deep runs before I head back down to the cities for a couple weeks. I know December is going to be waaay better than November was, (besides the weather) mark my words on it. I donno what my future holds, but this northern Minnesota winter shit won't be happening too much longer. It was -10 degrees Fahrenheit when I went to bed lastnight. I HATE IT. I'm outty. See you at the tables all. GL everyone (except lol, cigaro).

-Blake